My “Ministry”

I’m anxious to do.
You’re anxious for me to be.
I feel like rushing.
You refuse to be rushed.
I feel unfairly deprived and overlooked.
You want to humble me
to make me appropriately small
to sit with me in my losses.
I want to be of use to others.
You want to search me
to come to me in my obscurity
changing me.
You want to see if it’s love for you
or love for myself
whether it’s love for others
or love for honor
that motivates me.

It often seems unfair,
but in your love you are saving me
granting me this daily death to self
giving me what I most need
but don’t know I need,
changing me.
And in your love you are embracing me
that I might know that if I have you
I will want for nothing
that you alone suffice.
And in the end, I will know
that everything I thought was me,
and everything I held onto so desperately
was finally nothing.
I will know that
you have given me over to death
that Christ may live in me
and that my inner dying might grow
to reach my death from without.
I will know that you are everything
that in you alone I have all I need
that you alone suffice.

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